May 17, 2023|כ"ו אייר ה' אלפים תשפ"ג Are We a Jewish Community or a Jewish Family? By Rabbi Jonathan Muskat

This week, our community is having a hospitality Shabbat where we mix and match different couples to eat at each other’s homes in an effort for us to get to know people in our community outside our social circle. I would like to explain why this event and others like it represent a critical but often neglected aspect of what it means to be part of a shul community. It’s all about whether we view ourselves as a Jewish community or a Jewish family.

A volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office. The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community? The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?' Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.' 'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children? The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again. 'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?' The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea. And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?

Parshat Behar is the parsha that directs our attention to the land of Israel and the institutions of yovel and shemitta, but then the discussion shifts to charity, to helping the poor, followed by a prohibition to charge interest. First, the Torah states (Vayikra 25:35):

וְכִֽי־יָמ֣וּךְ אָחִ֔יךָ וּמָ֥טָה יָד֖וֹ עִמָּ֑ךְ וְהֶֽחֱזַ֣קְתָּ בּ֔וֹ גֵּ֧ר וְתוֹשָׁ֛ב וָחַ֖י עִמָּֽךְ:

If your brother becomes poor and he comes under your authority and you should strengthen him, a “ger” and a “toshav” and he will live with you.

Here the Torah requires us to support our brother, our fellow Jew, when he falls on hard times and the Torah also tells us that we must strengthen a “ger v’toshav,” literally a stranger and a dweller. Who are the ger and the toshav? Rashi explains that we are obligated help even the convert or the non-Jew who lives amongst us. Similarly, Rav Hirsch tells us that this story reminds us of the first “ger v’toshav” story in the Torah, when Avraham Avinu told the Bnei Chet that he was a “ger v’toshav” when he wanted a burial plot for Sarah. Avraham describes himself as a ”ger v’toshav,” as a stranger who lived amongst the people, so here when the Torah tells us to assist the individual who is a “ger v’toshav,” it is telling us to help a stranger who is not Jewish who lives amongst us. This pasuk requires us to help both the impoverished Jew and non-Jew in our communities.

But then we move to the next pasuk (ibid., 25:36)

אַל־תִּקַּ֤ח מֵֽאִתּוֹ֙ נֶ֣שֶׁךְ וְתַרְבִּ֔ית וְיָרֵ֖אתָ מֵֽאֱלֹהֶ֑יךָ וְחֵ֥י אָחִ֖יךָ עִמָּֽךְ

Don’t take from him interest and you should fear God and your brother should live with you.

Now when the Torah says not to charge “him” interest, who’s the him? Probably because of the end of the pasuk, which talks about “achicha,” or your brother, and an explicit pasuk in Sefer Devarim, the commentaries explain that the prohibition to charge interest is limited to Jews but we may charge interest to non-Jews.

Pasuk number one – take care of Jew and non-Jew. Help him if he’s poor. Pasuk number two – take care of only the Jew, but no special treatment for the non-Jew. Feel free to charge interest to the non-Jew but don’t charge interest to the Jew. What, then, should our relationship be with the Jew and the non-Jew?

What is clear is that we should care for the vulnerable and underprivileged in society, whether Jew or non-Jew. We have a responsibility to take care of all of humanity who are in need. However, charging interest on a loan is not necessarily immoral. The Ramban (Devarim 23:20) explains that the foundation of the prohibition of charging interest is an ambitious form of chesed that is normally reserved for a family member. No charging interest for “achicha,” for your brother. We are kind to members of our broader society by helping the poor. We are kind to a fellow Jew on a different level because we consider them our family. Brothers do not charge each other interest when they lend money and one should treat every Jew like a brother. For the non-Jew, we believe in chesed, but for the Jew we also believe in family.

Rabbi Sacks once wrote that this distinction is best captured in the 1980s joke about an advertising campaign in New York. Throughout the city there were giant posters with the slogan, “You have a friend in the Chase Manhattan Bank.” Underneath one, an Israeli had scribbled the words, “But in Bank Leumi you have mishpacha.” We view ourselves as one extended family.

The importance of feeling like family has never been more important in our society. An article last week quoted the U.S. surgeon general as saying that widespread loneliness in the United States poses health risks as deadly as smoking up to fifteen cigarettes daily. Increased loneliness is tied to a greater risk of stroke and heart disease, anxiety and depression. Additionally, about half of U.S. adults say that they’ve experienced loneliness. Why has there been an increase in loneliness? Less engagement with houses of worship community organizations and even one’s own family members have steadily resulted in this increase. The number of single households has also doubled over the last 60 years. Increase use of technology as opposed to in-person communication, of course, has contributed to this loneliness, as well. The surgeon general called upon workplaces, schools, technology companies, community organizations, parents and other people to make changes that will boost the country’s connectedness.

People are more and more lonely today than ever before. Last week, Rabbi Yoni Rosensweig spoke about how more and more people are suffering from mental health issues. We need to lean on each other. We need support. Baruch Hashem, built into our religious infrastructure is the concept of the Jewish community. But more than that. Built into our religious infrastructure is the concept of the Jewish family. Built into our religious is that we treat each other like family, not the family member that we don’t talk to, but we treat each other like how we should treat each member of our family. The question is whether we truly understand this powerful message that the Torah is sharing with us.

If I were to ask someone what is the function of a shul, many people would answer that the goal of a shul is to provide a halachic infrastructure for my religious growth and the religious growth of my family. We should have minyanim, shiurim and chesed opportunities for men, women and children. If that’s the only reason for a shul community, then we can understand the success of the “shtiebelization” of American orthodoxy. If I view a Jewish community as one that meets my personal religious and other preferences, then I don’t need to belong to a larger shul. I have my small group of religious friends and we do our own thing in our own backyard minyan or shtiebel.

The truth is that even many people who belong to a larger shul have a similar philosophy that the role of a shul is a place to serve my religious needs and a larger shul can provide more religious opportunities than a small shtiebel. The result of this philosophy is that like-minded people within a shul, whether those of a similar age or stage in life or religious background, form their own groups. And don’t get me wrong. Many people who have this mentality do a lot of chesed. They give tzedakah. They help those in need. It’s just that I think that the Torah demands more.

For the ger toshav, “v’hechezakta bo” – provide support. Every single human being deserves our help and support. For the Jew, remember that he is achicha – he is your brother. She is achotcha – she is your sister. We are family. Even though it is sometimes hard to actualize this value with all of Klal Yisrael, we have the ability to do so in our local communities. We are family. We are more than simply a group of individuals who have created a halachic infrastructure so that we can be our best selves as committed Jews. We are here for each other. We are here to help those who are lonely. We are here to help those who are going through difficult times. We are here to create a sense of real brotherhood and sisterhood.

What does this mean in practice? First, it means that we must create more opportunities like the hospitality Shabbat. It is certainly reasonable and healthy to construct smaller communities with our broader community, but we must constantly think of other such ways to create connectedness that so many of us crave. I am telling you. Many people whom you wouldn’t expect are craving this. If you find yourself always talking to and inviting the same people, go out of your way to reach beyond your social circle. It can make such a difference to someone who is struggling. Second, if you are struggling, lean on the community for support. People are so incredibly busy and they may not always realize that you are struggling, but give people the benefit of the doubt and reach out to them again. Let us reshape our thinking of our Jewish communities as being more than places that allow us to grow religiously. We are more than just community. We are family.