March 24, 2024|י"ד אדר ב' ה' אלפים תשפ"ד Mishloach Manot: Do Not Let Haman or Hamas Define Us
Print ArticleWhat is my big Purim question every year? My big Purim question every year is can I finish all the chocolate and candy that I receive for mishloach manot by Pesach without getting sick. Ha-levai, the excess chocolate and candy would be my only problem with mishloach manot. Then there’s all that pressure to make creative mishloach manot. You are not yotzei the mitzvah of mishloach manot unless you have a theme. And, of course, the mehadrin mishloach manot come with a theme and a poem. And the mehadrin min ha-mehadrin mishloach manot also come with a poem and a picture of the family with a costume that connects to the poem and the theme of mishloach manot. And then there are the mishloach manot boycotters, who say it’s too much. It’s over the top. Too much candy. Too much trying to one up the creativity of the Schwartzes and the Goldbergs. So what do the mishloach manot boycotters do? They send you a card that in lieu of mishloach manot, we are planting a tree in Israel in your name, and to this day, I still have not found my tree. Mishloach manot is a big deal on Purim and matanot la-evyonim, for that matter, is also a big deal on Purim.
What’s fascinating about these mitzvot is that we don’t find them in other holidays. Mishloach manot and matanot la-evyonim. Sending food portions to someone else and giving gifts to the poor are two rabbinic mitzvot that are unique to Purim. Yes, we collect ma-ot chittim to help poor people for Pesach, but this collection is not a mitzvah that is integral to the holiday. Ma-ot chittim is a beautiful custom that developed to help the needy make Pesach. Fundamentally, the mitzvot of Pesach are matza, korban pesach, maror, drinking four cups of wine and telling the Pesach story to the next generation. Fundamentally, the mitzvot of Purim are reading the megillah, which is like Pesach’s obligation to tell a story, eating a meal, because that’s what we as Jews do – we eat to celebrate, and then we have these two bein adam la-chavero mitzvot, these two interpersonal mitzvot which define the day and I wonder why Purim? Why not Rosh Hashana, Sukkot, Chanuka, Pesach or Shavuot? Why on Purim are two of the four primary rabbinic mitzvot of the day interpersonal mitzvot?
And I have another mishloach manot question, as well. Rabb Shlomo Alkabetz, the Manot Ha-Levi, famously explains that we give gifts to each other on Purim to counteract what Haman said about us. Haman said we are “mefuzar” and “meforad.” We are scattered and we are separate. Haman claimed that we were not united so we offer mishloach manot to demonstrate that we are united. What’s my question? Who cares what Haman says? He’s a liar who’s just telling Achashverosh whatever he needs to say to convince Achashaverosh that Haman should be permitted to kill the Jews. He said that we are scattered and separate. Is that true? Were we scattered and separate? Were we not united?
Well, I have a little secret for you. Haman helped us redefine who we really are, but we took it to another level. Haman answered the following question. Could we, the Jewish people, defy logic and remain a nation in exile? Can we still be a nation that does not settle in its land? What is the definition of nationhood? Well, Haman answers that question for us. Maybe after the destruction of the beit ha-mikdash, we viewed ourselves as yehudim, as Jews insofar as we all had the same religion and worshipped the same God. But can we actually still be a nation? Haman answered that question. He called us an:
עַם־אֶחָ֗ד מְפֻזָּ֤ר וּמְפֹרָד֙ בֵּ֣ין הָֽעַמִּ֔ים בְּכֹ֖ל מְדִינ֣וֹת מַלְכוּתֶ֑ךָ וְדָתֵיהֶ֞ם שֹׁנ֣וֹת מִכָּל־עָ֗ם וְאֶת־דָּתֵ֤י הַמֶּ֙לֶךְ֙ אֵינָ֣ם עֹשִׂ֔ים
He called us one nation that is scattered and dispersed among the other nations throughout the land. We have different laws than others and we don’t obey the king’s laws.
Haman refers to us as a nation. Our strange customs make us an undesirable fifth column and therefore we deserve to be destroyed. Haman calls us a nation, a scattered and separate nation, but a nation nonetheless. He does what Hitler did. He doesn’t ask us if we are observant or not. He doesn’t ask us if we wear a velvet yarmulka, a kipa seruga or no kipa at all. He just wants to kill every member of our nation. And Haman answers the following question: what unites us as a nation? And the answer is antisemitism.
And, indeed, when was the first time that we united as a nation in exile? To fight antisemitism.
נִקְהֲל֨וּ הַיְּהוּדִ֜ים בְּעָרֵיהֶ֗ם בְּכָל־מְדִינוֹת֙ הַמֶּ֣לֶךְ אֲחַשְׁוֵר֔וֹשׁ לִשְׁלֹ֣חַ יָ֔ד בִּמְבַקְשֵׁ֖י רָֽעָתָ֑ם
The Jews gathered in their cities in all the provinces of the king to strike down those who wanted to hurt us.
Unfortunately, that has been our fate for thousands of years in exile. We have united either to be killed or to avoid being killed. We have united being the victims of antisemitism or fighting antisemitism. Baruch Hashem, Purim was a time when Mordechai and Esther united the Jewish people as an עם, a nation, to defend themselves. However, when it came time to celebrate the holiday, Mordechai says, “No! This is not how we will celebrate this holiday.” We will celebrate our unity with expressions of empathy to the poor, the weak and vulnerable with gifts to the poor. And we will celebrate our unity by creating and developing relationships with others – not just the poor – but we will reach out to others and foster a sense of love and friendship to all those around us.
On one level, I agree with Rabbi Shlomo Alkabetz. We give mishloach manot to counteract Haman’s assertion that we are “mefuzar u-me-forad,” that we are scattered and divided. We tell the world that we are united and we care about each other. But it’s much more than that. It’s about how we define ourselves as a nation. It’s about how we define our unity as a nation. Haman wanted to define us as a nation that has strange customs and deserves to be massacred. Our response is that, yes, we are a nation, even if we are scattered and not all living in Eretz Yisrael, but what defines us as a nation is not antisemitism, not fighting antisemitism, not only in times of crisis. Hamas does not define us. Sinwar does not define us. What defines us as a nation is our unwavering commitment to one another. Our unity is our strength, as is our love for each other, and it is our greatest weapon against the darkness that seeks to engulf us.
The message of mishloach manot and matanot la-evyonim couldn’t be more relevant today, especially in Israel. On one level, there is debate about how to achieve a feeling of עם אחד – of one nation, as Israel currently finds itself fighting Hamas and those who want to destroy us and Israelis more than ever are grappling with the question of how can we remain one nation if only some Jews serve in the IDF and some don’t. On Purim, נקהלו היהודים – all the Jews assembled to attack those who wanted to destroy them. Everyone took part in this battle. This is a very painful question, especially for those whose children or spouses currently find themselves serving in Gaza or in northern Israel.
Yet, Purim reminds us that unity cannot be solely forged in the crucible of conflict. Mishloach manot and matanot la-evyonim beckon us to build a society rooted in compassion, empathy, and inclusivity. They challenge us to envision a future where our bonds are not just forged in times of war, but endure through acts of kindness and generosity in times of peace.
The Zohar tells us Yom Kippurim is k’Purim, like Purim. Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer writes that on Yom Kippur we are like angels. How so? Just like angels have peace between them, so, too, the Jews have peace between them on Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur is a day when we ask others for forgiveness, so that we can achieve this state of peace and harmony on Yom Kippur. Indeed, the musaf prayer of Yom Kippur defines Yom Kippur as a “yom simat ahava v’rei-ut yom azivat kinah v’tacharut.” It is a day full of love, friendship and a day without jealousy or competition. Yom Kippur is a day when we stand before God so we need to be united as one. But Yom Kippurim is k’Purim. Purim is a day, as well, when we define our nationhood by our achdut, by our love, our friendship and concern for each other, not just when we are threatened with extinction.
As we exchange mishloach manot overflowing with chocolate, adorned with themes and poems, let us remember the true essence of this mitzvah and the accompanying mitzvah of matanot la-evyonim. Let us spread joy and generosity wherever we go, illuminating the darkness with the radiant light of our unity. For in our unity lies our greatest strength, a strength that extends far beyond mere defense of each other to encompass the profound depths of our love and solidarity for Am Yisrael.