May 26, 2024|י"ח אייר ה' אלפים תשפ"ד Ona'ah, Cultural Sensitivity and Political Correctness By Rabbi Jonathan Muskat

In his book, “Tales out of Shul,” Rabbi Emmanuel Feldman wrote about one drasha that he delivered early in his career about the פרה אדומה. During the kiddush, a member of the shul approached him and complimented him on such a wonderful sermon. “There’s just one thing that I don’t understand,” she said. “What does this all have to do with a red pepper?” Red pepper, red heifer. I have made a number of mistakes over the years delivering drashot, saying the wrong thing. Sometimes I even said certain things that were viewed as insensitive. I remember once trying to be more refined in the way I speak so I said “the opposite gender” instead of “the opposite sex” and I was criticized because sex and gender have different meanings, that sex generally refers to someone’s physical characteristics and gender generally refers to how someone identifies himself or herself. And I’m sure that I have not kept up to date with how to refer to people of color. Are they called African-Americans or are they called blacks or people of color? I haven’t had to deal with the question of pronouns – he, she or they – how we refer to a person – but others have had to deal with this. And some people get very insulted if we misspeak, if we are not sensitive enough. I try to be sensitive and at the same time, sometimes I feel that people get too offended nowadays. In fact, years ago, I remember reading an essay by Rav Lichtenstein in his book, “Leaves of Faith,” when he wrote, “Recent declines in toleration, among “politically correct” circles in America are perturbing not only because of the erosion of “traditions of civility” per se, but because of the heavy-handedness which has accompanied them.” Perhaps he’s referring to what later has become known as “cancel culture.”

 

I was wondering whether the Torah has a perspective on this. How sensitive must we be in a world that is becoming more and more offended by everything? I was thinking about this question recently as we find ourselves during the days of sefirah, a time when we remember how 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva died because they didn’t treat each other respectfully. It may depend on how we understand the prohibition of אונאה in this week’s parsha. אונאהliterally means to oppress and the Torah lists the prohibition twice and the gemara understands that this means that there are two different types of אונאה – financial oppression, or fraud, and oppression with words, or verbal abuse. A classic example of verbal abuse is that if I know that your parents are converts and you are a bit embarrassed about that and I walk up to you and say, “Remember when your parents used to be frequent patrons of Burger King?” Tricking someone and giving someone bad advice can also be a form of אונאה. I think that one way to view אונאה is using the formulation of the ספר החינוך, which he explains asשלא נאמר לישראל דברים שיכאיבוהו ויצערוהו ואין בו כח להעזר מהם. We should not say things to another Jew which will cause him pain and distress and he doesn’t have the power to be helped from them. Therefore, אונאה occurs when I exploit someone’s weakness. Either they have an embarrassing past which I disclose or they don’t know any better so I trick them. After the Torah tells us not to engage in אונאה, not to verbally abuse someone, the Torah tells us ויראת מאלוקיך אני ה׳ – that we should fear God, I am Hashem. Rashi explains this phrase in this context to mean that even if we say that our intent was not to trick someone, God knows our intention. The implication here is that we only violate אונאהif we intend to cause pain to someone else by our speech. 

 

So, yes, it might be nice to be sensitive to others when we speak, but what if someone is oversensitive? What if I express an opinion about race or gender identity and transgender rights and my intent is not to demean but someone is offended by my speech and they say it’s not “politically correct,” whatever that means? Do I then violate אונאה? If I express a certain position about immigration or abortion or mental health and disability and my intent is not to demean but someone is offended by my speech, do I violate אונאה? How guarded must I be with my speech and when can I simply say that you are being overly sensitive? How can we live in a world together when we can engage in important difficult discussions in a sensitive manner? What is the Torah’s perspective on balancing free speech with concerns of אונאה or pain that my speech could cause because of perceived insensitivity?

 

I think that the first principle in addressing this issue is that the Torah wants us to engage in difficult conversations. Now when I posted on my family WhatsApp chat that I was going to speak about this topic on Shabbat and asked them for their thoughts, Leora posted, “This is beyond risky.” This is a very difficult topic. But the Torah wants us to address difficult topics. In fact, the Torah does it all the time. Just read through the Torah, neviim, Mishnah, and gemara and halacha sefarim and machshavah sefarim and kabbalah sefarim and you will find that the Torah talks about everything. Nothing is off limits. The Torah does not back away from a difficult conversation. The Torah believes in sensitivity, but that sensitivity does not preclude us from confronting difficult issues and having difficult conversations. If the pro-life people in the abortion debate only talk amongst themselves and the pro-choice people in the abortion debate only talk amongst themselves because of the concern that I am going to say the wrong thing and someone will be offended, then we will have a hard time trying to find a path for our society that, at the very least, respects both perspectives. We cannot become a society where tough questions are off-limits because of perceived insensitivities. Our halachic literature is full of tough questions and our halachic literature is full of stories when people were insensitive towards other people and many of these stories include repercussions of these insensitivities, such as the story of Rabban Gamliel being ousted from his leadership position because of the way he addressed Rabbi Yehoshua during a few debates, but we never stopped trying to engage in these tough conversations.

 

Second principle is Hillel’s golden rule that he told the convert while the latter was standing on one foot. Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want to be done to yourself. Observe the mitzvah of ואהבת לרעך כמוך, which the Rambam explains is an obligation to support another person the way that you would want to be supported, and certainly not to do something to someone else that you would not like be done to you. If you were black or gay or pro-choice or pro-immigration reform or whatever the issue is, and someone had made the comment that you were about to make and you would get offended by it, then don’t say it. 

 

But many times, I may say something that I would not find objectionable if the comment was directed towards me, but the listener is offended and insulted. Am I responsible if people are overly sensitive? It doesn’t seem that I would violate Hillel’s golden rule because I don’t think that I would be offended if I was in a similar situation.

 

Rabbi Daniel Feldman made the following point. The gemara in Bava Metzia 59 states that דִּזְקִיף לֵיהּ זְקִיפָא בִּדְיוּתְקֵיהּ, לָא נֵימָא לֵיהּ לְחַבְרֵיהּ זְקֵיף בִּינִיתָ. Literally this means that one who has a person hanged in his family does not say to another member of his household: Hang a fish for me, as the mention of hanging is demeaning for his family. According to one reading of this gemara, we have to be careful about the possibility that someone has a family member who was hanged and this comment would be triggering, so we don’t use the expression of hang a fish for me. Now this practice requires a high degree of sensitivity and self-censorship, being concerned that maybe a listener will be offended by what I’m saying. However, the Shulchan Aruch doesn’t quote this gemara as a halacha. It’s in the gemara, but it’s not included in the Shulchan Aruch. Rabbi Feldman suggested that perhaps the gemara is highlighting for us the potential that our words can cause pain to people exists even when we don’t realize. We do not violate אונאה  if we don’t intend to cause pain and we ourselves wouldn’t be triggered by that speech, but we should try to be like the gemara, as sensitive as possible. 

 

And I think that the opposite is true, as well. If someone insults us then there is no halachic requirement to forgive him unless he sincerely apologizes, but at the same time, the Gemara in a few places praises someone who is מעביר על מדותיו, who wipes away the hurt and the Rambam writes (Hilchot De’ot 7:6) that it is appropriate to be מעביר על מדותיו על כל דברי העולם שהכל אצל המבינים דברי הבל והבאי ואינן כדי לנקום עליהם. It is appropriate to wipe away his hurt on all matters of the world because those with understanding realize that these are worthless matters and it’s not worth getting upset and taking revenge in response to them.

 

On a pure halachic level, we do nothing wrong if we do not intend to harm someone through speech and we ourselves would not find the speech offensive if directed towards us. Additionally, on a pure halachic level, we don’t need to forgive someone who insulted us who did not apologize. But there’s a value to try work on our sensitivity towards others in our speech and at the same time learn greater tolerance and not to get so easily offended. We must strive for greater sensitivity and greater tolerance – both values. That is what we need as a society. But I would say that if you are someone who feels that people are so hypersensitive about everything, then your avodah is to practice greater sensitivity. And if you are someone who feels that people are not sensitive enough, then your avodah is to practice greater tolerance. But how do we do this in practice?

 

First, let us be humble enough to question ourselves. If a lot of smart people disagree with us, instead of dismissing them, practice asking ourselves questions such as, “What am I missing in the way that I’m seeing this situation? Is there a reasonable way to understand why so many well-meaning people are upset at the way that I am expressing my opinion?” Ben Zoma expressed this idea well in Pirkei Avot when he said, איזהו חכם הלומד מכל אדם. Who is wise? One who learns from every person. Every person – even the ultra-conservative, even the radical-liberal. Be open to question ourselves and learning from every other person, even the person that you think is absolutely crazy.

 

And here’s my second suggestion. Find a real chavruta, someone who you respect who has differing perspectives than you. This past week in the daf yomi, we read how Reish Lakish used to study with Rabbi Yochanan and then Reish Lakish died (Bava Metzia 84a). Another individual, Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat, started learning with Rabbi Yochanan and Rabbi Yochanan was so upset. He said, all Rabbi Elazar ben Pedat does is bring support for my positions. He’s the guy who clicks on “like” to my posts or he retweets my tweet. I miss Reish Lakish. Reish Lakish used to question me and challenge me and through that, Torah study increased. Find your Reish Lakish and ask him or her whether you are being too sensitive or not sensitive enough. Instead of just dismissing others and thinking they are crazy, find someone with whom you can discuss these issues in an effort to help you really appreciate the other perspective and help you find the balance between sensitivity and tolerance.

 

How do we balance free speech with אונאה, cultural sensitivity and political correctness? First, let us continue to engage in the difficult conversations. Second, let’s not say something that we would find offensive. Third, let us strive for both greater sensitivity and greater tolerance, even if not halachically mandated, and let us try to achieve this balance through a real willingness to question ourselves and finding a chavruta with a different political or religious orientation or someone who is in a different age bracket than us to help work through some of these issues. Speech has the potential to either build or tear down individuals and communities. With a little bit of work and practice, each one of us can be a builder.