January 8, 2025|ח' טבת ה' אלפים תשפ"ה Teaching Family Planning: Empowering Students to Navigate Halachic Decisions By Rabbi Jonathan Muskat

 This week, I finished teaching my unit on family planning in my twelfth-grade medical ethics elective, where I address sensitive topics such as abortion, fertility treatments, pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, organ transplantation, brain death, hazardous medical procedures, and end-of-life care. During my first year teaching this course, as we discussed the halachic approach to fertility treatments, one student raised her hand and asked, “I heard from some people that birth control is permitted according to halacha, and I heard from others that it’s not. What do you think, Rabbi?”

I was caught off guard. The question was sensitive, and I wasn’t sure how to navigate it. I wanted to address it properly while being mindful of the appropriateness of the discussion in the classroom. After reflecting on it and speaking with my principal, we both agreed that it was important to teach this unit. My students were likely already discussing these topics—whether among themselves or online—and it would be far more beneficial for them to hear a Torah-based perspective from a trusted authority.

Thus began my yearly unit on family planning, where I explore the halachic perspectives on birth control, the mitzvah of procreation, the rabbinic encouragement to build a family even after fulfilling the Torah obligation, and the ethical dilemmas that arise when religious ideals clash with personal realities.

Why Teach This Sensitive Topic?

Many might wonder if I should simply tell my students to consult a local rabbi when such issues arise in their lives. While seeking guidance from a rabbi is crucial when it’s time to make personal halachic decisions, I believe it’s essential to provide my students with a solid foundation of knowledge before they encounter these questions. The goal of this unit is not to issue halachic rulings but to give students the tools they need to understand halachic issues and make informed decisions with their husbands and rabbis.

There are two core values at tension in this conversation: the strong halachic and hashkafic responsibility of a couple to try to start a family as soon as they get married, and to continue to have children throughout their marriage, versus the recognition of the personal and emotional stress this might cause. These conflicting values can sometimes lead to marital or emotional strain, and it is essential to discuss both sides to help students understand the full picture.

1. Empowering Students with Knowledge

One of the most important values of teaching this topic is empowerment. Many of my students may not have immediate access to a rabbi or halachic authority with whom they can discuss these deeply personal topics. By teaching them about the halachic perspectives on family planning, I give them the tools to engage in informed conversations with their future husbands, rabbis, or other trusted authorities. When the time comes for them to navigate family planning decisions, they will feel confident in asking questions, voicing their concerns, and understanding the nuances of halachic discourse.

2. Navigating the Tension Between Halachic Ideals and Realities

While halacha strongly encourages procreation and the building of a family soon after marriage, many couples face emotional, physical, and financial challenges that can make this ideal difficult to achieve. This tension is real and often underappreciated in religious communities. By teaching this unit, I aim to show my students that halachic perspectives on family planning aren’t monolithic. There are multiple approaches within halacha, and understanding these options is crucial in navigating the often complex and stressful realities of marriage and childbearing.

In class, we discuss different approaches to using birth control, the halachic challenges that come with delaying or limiting childbearing, and how halachic authorities reconcile ideal religious expectations with the real-life struggles that many couples experience. This nuanced understanding helps students see that while the halachic ideal may be clear, there may sometimes be room for flexibility when personal circumstances require it.

3. Respecting Women’s Autonomy in Halachic Decisions

A key theme in this unit is ensuring that women are well-informed and empowered to make decisions that respect both their halachic obligations and their personal needs. In many religious communities, decisions about family planning are often framed through the husband’s relationship with his rabbi, and the wife may feel that her concerns or needs aren’t adequately addressed. I emphasize that both partners have a voice in this process, and it’s important for women to understand their rights and responsibilities in halachic decision-making.

Teaching this unit helps address the power dynamics that can sometimes leave women feeling voiceless or overlooked in these sensitive matters. When my students understand the halachic principles at play, they are better equipped to advocate for themselves, engage in meaningful conversations with their husbands and rabbis, and navigate their roles in family planning decisions.

4. Preparing for Future Conversations

A primary goal of this unit is to help my students prepare for the conversations they will have in the future—conversations with their husbands, kallah teachers, rabbis, and family members. Family planning can be a delicate subject, and the decisions they will make about when to have children, whether to use birth control, and how to balance religious expectations with personal realities will shape their future lives.

By teaching this subject in a supportive and informative environment, I help students develop the confidence to have these conversations openly and thoughtfully. They learn how to ask questions, express their concerns, and understand the complex halachic issues that come into play when making decisions about their families.

5. Addressing the Emotional Aspects

Family planning isn’t just a halachic issue; it’s also an emotional one. Many couples experience stress and anxiety when it comes to childbearing—whether because of health concerns, financial pressures, or the emotional weight of the responsibility. In my classroom, I strive to acknowledge these emotional realities of decision-making in family life.

By showing students that they are not alone in experiencing these pressures, I help normalize these feelings and explain how compassion and sensitivity is incorporated into halachic decision-making. Understanding that halachic authorities have addressed these concerns in various ways helps students approach family planning with both sensitivity and awareness.

6. Providing a Holistic Approach to Halachic Education

My unit on family planning doesn’t just teach halacha in a vacuum—it ties together the religious and emotional aspects of decision-making in a way that resonates with my students’ real lives. It’s important for them to see how halacha intersects with the lived experience of marriage, health, and family life. By framing family planning as a complex issue that requires thoughtful consideration of various factors, I aim to provide a holistic understanding of what it means to live a halachic life.

7. Reducing Guilt and Anxiety

The topic of birth control and family planning can sometimes be a source of guilt or anxiety, especially when young women feel that they are not meeting the “ideal” of immediate childbearing. Some may feel pressured to conceive quickly after marriage, while others might feel that delaying children is seen as a failure or a violation of halachic principles.

Through this unit, I hope to alleviate some of that anxiety by showing my students that there may sometimes be room for flexibility within halacha. Different poskim offer varying perspectives on how to approach family planning, and it’s important for my students to understand that the halachic system recognizes the complexity of these decisions and allows for thoughtful, individualized approaches.

Conclusion

Teaching about family planning from a halachic perspective is about more than just providing answers to complex questions; it’s about giving my students the knowledge, confidence, and autonomy to navigate these decisions with awareness and responsibility. By fostering a nuanced understanding of halacha and its application to real-life situations, I am preparing them to approach marriage and family life in a thoughtful, informed, and compassionate way.

In the end, the goal isn’t to “pasken” (issue halachic rulings) in a practical sense but to arm my students with a strong foundation of knowledge that will help them make informed decisions when the time comes. This education is not just about halachic theory—it’s about empowering them to lead their lives with confidence, wisdom, and a deep understanding of how halacha intersects with the realities of marriage, family, and personal well-being.